a girl named dee

This girl came into my life on 2000. i get to know her around 2001. and we start dating by august second 2002 until around march 2005. yeah right. i spend 2 and a half year with her. not a waste if i comment on that moment. alot of happy things happened while we're together. but in the end, we broke up. actually i really don't remember why we broke up. (you should believe this. cause everytime i said to somebody that i forgot why we broke up, they never believe). this past month, i started to hang out again with her. knowing that i still can't get her out of my head. actually, being with her is not so much fun for now. i need to pretend as somebody else. and there is no closeness between us. well maybe i hoped too much, knowing that we're just friends. but the problem is i want us to be more than friends. why? i don't know. a friend of mine told me that i don't want to forget her because i haven't found a new one. finding a new one is another problem for me. not that i can't. but it's a matter of is't what i want. she were special. i don't know is she still a special to me..... i still don't understand. a friend told me that being with her is a bad idea because of her attitude toward me are not so nice. yeah i think that is something that i need to think of. she didn't treat me well i admit that. hmmm well enough for me i guess but not like other girl. but she's not another girl. she is dee. the girl i was planning to spend the rest of my life with. God must have reason why He made us meet. but i haven't found the reason. oh God. i really need that reason now.... why after all this time i still spend some time with her? and why can't i just ignore her? or at least treat her as usual friend? i guess i need help with this. everytime i go out with her, i always making a list of things that i don't like bout her. and i found a lot of things that are nice bout her. actually she's not nice at all. yeah. SHE IS NOT NICE AT ALL. i should print this sentence is a big letter and put it in my room....... what a pathetic and a sad live i have.........